She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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