I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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