I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Randomize
