Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize