His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
