Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
