she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize