dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
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