Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
