Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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