I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
