Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
