I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
