WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Randomize
