is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
