good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
foreskin is a definite game changer
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
