Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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