did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize