My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
