i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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