Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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