break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
