Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Randomize
