guys are not supposed to queef...right?
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
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