I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
