Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
