and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I need to align my fucking chakras
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
