i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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