I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
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