I CAN MOONWALK!
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
