Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
