don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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