I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
