seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
