there was a trapeze. enough said
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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