Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
My penis needs a shock collar
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
