His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Randomize
