Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Randomize
