Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
