toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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