I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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