And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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