I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
