the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
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