I love black thongs
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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