There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
