Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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