y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
