the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
