I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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