Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
