: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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