Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
