Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
