I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Randomize
