Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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