"it" just moved
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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