how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
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