okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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