Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
