He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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