she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Just invented taco cereal.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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