Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
