he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
