So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
