i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
