i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Rumble strips road head = magical
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Randomize
