bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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