This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
