why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
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