I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
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