We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Randomize
