So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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