I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize