You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
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