DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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