OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
