and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
