We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
