then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Randomize
