This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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