Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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