I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
