I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
