I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
