tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
