do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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