ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
