the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
