she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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