Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
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