he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Randomize
