Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
