is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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