Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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