walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
