Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
