The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize
