Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
