she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
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