I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
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