you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
