You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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