i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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