im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
