I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
