If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
