When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize