Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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