I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
