A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Randomize
