did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Randomize
