What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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